FED LOV HENK??? She does not know how to Actual Human Relationships so she's bad at showing it and it ends up manifesting itself in crawling in his lap and apologizing for stuff that she doesn't understand all the time, LAUGH. She confuses herself a lot with Hank because he's a) really genuinely nice and sweet and also b) huge. You have to understand that she's spent a lot of time in canon surrounding herself with big tough guys that she has wrapped around her finger as a kind of literal wall between her and the world. So Hank fits neatly into that slot in her mind EXCEPT HE'S ACTUALLY NICE and is nice to her Just Because instead of being nice to her because she's In Charge and powerful like her canon minions dò. She feels generally kind of guilty and unworthy of his kindness all the time, even though it makes her really really R E A L L Y happy. So the result is that she feels like she HAS to apologize to him constantly for being herself but she can't understand why or what she's really apologizing for, which makes her more frustrated and angry and [/fishands] and basically she doesn't know what to do with those feelings. So. That's a thing.
Another thing is. In the game. 8') She's mad right back at Hank for not lying down and letting himself be protected, how dare!!! Part of it is just this huge frustration at not being able to DO anything for her team, because she's missed most of the trauma games and the ones she's in, she comes out pretty unscathed. She has never died in Kyr except for in Roxy's Heart where she was left on her own for ten minutes and promptly killed herself twenty times in a row L A U G H. It is partially actually caring about her team and not wanting them to be hurt but it is also partially this twisted, like, jealousy? That she feels like she's isolated from the rest of the team because she's never physically suffered for them and OBVIOUSLY if they won't let me kill myself for them then THEY MUST HATE ME AND NOT WANT MY HELP I'm so sorry for this trash child, she has to make everything about HER and HER FEELINGS. So there's a lot of straight-up hypocrisy there because even though! she actually DOES want to protect her team!! it is mostly about making herself feel better. When she told Hank that she wanted to protect something for once in her life she was being very literal and straight-forward, because she has figured that in her entire life she has only ever been capable of hurting and burdening people, and her attempts in kyr to protect people always seem to get interrupted or go wrong like in GM game, so she's just increasingly frustrated because if she can't do something real and physical that matters, she can't convince herself that she's wanted or needed.
(That's why she was so elated after Yaksini's game, where she lied to Hank about putting in the answer and she was RIGHT and she STOPPED HIM FROM HAVING TO GET HURT and YAY I DID SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE, MAYBE MY EXISTANCE CAN BE JUSTIFIED even though she lied to his face which is kind of bad. who cares. it worked, that's all that matters.)
of course this means that sHE. WILL SERIOUSLY NOT UNDERSTAND HIS ANGER OVER THE MIND CONTROL THING until someone really fully explains it to her because she has a very "ends justify the means" kind of thought process and figures that doing stuff like this (controlling people FOR THEIR OWN GOOD) is the only way she can twist her powers into something worthwhile, instead of just being this awful thing that dominated and ruined her whole life.
sorry hank this girl is kind of super fucked up but. she lovs u :c :c :c
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FED LOV HENK??? She does not know how to Actual Human Relationships so she's bad at showing it and it ends up manifesting itself in crawling in his lap and apologizing for stuff that she doesn't understand all the time, LAUGH. She confuses herself a lot with Hank because he's a) really genuinely nice and sweet and also b) huge. You have to understand that she's spent a lot of time in canon surrounding herself with big tough guys that she has wrapped around her finger as a kind of literal wall between her and the world. So Hank fits neatly into that slot in her mind EXCEPT HE'S ACTUALLY NICE and is nice to her Just Because instead of being nice to her because she's In Charge and powerful like her canon minions dò. She feels generally kind of guilty and unworthy of his kindness all the time, even though it makes her really really R E A L L Y happy. So the result is that she feels like she HAS to apologize to him constantly for being herself but she can't understand why or what she's really apologizing for, which makes her more frustrated and angry and [/fishands] and basically she doesn't know what to do with those feelings. So. That's a thing.
Another thing is. In the game. 8') She's mad right back at Hank for not lying down and letting himself be protected, how dare!!! Part of it is just this huge frustration at not being able to DO anything for her team, because she's missed most of the trauma games and the ones she's in, she comes out pretty unscathed. She has never died in Kyr except for in Roxy's Heart where she was left on her own for ten minutes and promptly killed herself twenty times in a row L A U G H. It is partially actually caring about her team and not wanting them to be hurt but it is also partially this twisted, like, jealousy? That she feels like she's isolated from the rest of the team because she's never physically suffered for them and OBVIOUSLY if they won't let me kill myself for them then THEY MUST HATE ME AND NOT WANT MY HELP I'm so sorry for this trash child, she has to make everything about HER and HER FEELINGS. So there's a lot of straight-up hypocrisy there because even though! she actually DOES want to protect her team!! it is mostly about making herself feel better. When she told Hank that she wanted to protect something for once in her life she was being very literal and straight-forward, because she has figured that in her entire life she has only ever been capable of hurting and burdening people, and her attempts in kyr to protect people always seem to get interrupted or go wrong like in GM game, so she's just increasingly frustrated because if she can't do something real and physical that matters, she can't convince herself that she's wanted or needed.
(That's why she was so elated after Yaksini's game, where she lied to Hank about putting in the answer and she was RIGHT and she STOPPED HIM FROM HAVING TO GET HURT and YAY I DID SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE, MAYBE MY EXISTANCE CAN BE JUSTIFIED even though she lied to his face which is kind of bad. who cares. it worked, that's all that matters.)
of course this means that sHE. WILL SERIOUSLY NOT UNDERSTAND HIS ANGER OVER THE MIND CONTROL THING until someone really fully explains it to her because she has a very "ends justify the means" kind of thought process and figures that doing stuff like this (controlling people FOR THEIR OWN GOOD) is the only way she can twist her powers into something worthwhile, instead of just being this awful thing that dominated and ruined her whole life.
sorry hank this girl is kind of super fucked up but. she lovs u :c :c :c